Life isn't fair

Spoiler Alert!: This post contains angry ranting. I apologize if this sounds hyper-negative, it isn't meant to be. It is simply the reality of my situation that I am trying desperately to maintain a positive outlook about.

Life isn't fair. It isn't logical, it isn't reasonable. And mostly, its not fair.

My dad used to tell me that as a kid... and really, whose parent hasn't told them something similar? The older I get, the more I realize the truth of that. Bad things happen to good people, and then sometimes things get even worse for no apparent reason.

There are lessons to be learned from all of your life experiences I suppose, and there is always some solution or positive outlook to make it better. But sometimes, while it makes no sense, you feel a little better if you just get angry at the irrationality of the life that you are supposedly in control of.

For example:

My college application and high-school/college transcripts are accepted in every state except the one I live and and am trying to attend school in. Why? Some education reform that one of MA's least favorite governors passed a few years back. Thanks so much for that....

Solution: I now need to invest several hundred dollars in an Education Counselor who can review my application and help me attempt to be accepted by any school in this state.

Anger: I have a 3.8GPA from the last school I went to, I'm a damn good student, and I really just want to pay the school a significant amount of money to study anthropology. Why won't anyone let me do that??!!

My cat has been suffering from a returning UTI since April. It cost me $300 to diagnose that 5 months ago, and get him medicine, vitamins, etc. 2 weeks ago, it got really bad, he was in tremendous pain, and an emergency trip to two vets, minor surgery, and $700 later, we've fixed (probably) the issue.

Solution: Work hard to pay off a vet bill, be grateful for a cat on the mend, hope he doesn't get sick again. Also, be grateful that I got a raise 3 weeks prior and only had to charge $500 worth of that expense.

Anger: WHY??!! Just when I start to get a little extra money, when I'm trying to pay off the computer I bought not 3 days prior.... why does is this a problem? Also, why didn't the vet figure this out in April?!

Speaking of computer.... I've been wanting a new computer for 3 years. I finally bought one, two weeks ago. I waited anxiously for it - because I ordered it custom built. A 15" MacBook Pro, 750GB hard drive, 8GB RAM, and a high-resolution glossy display (which has about 30% more pixels than the standard display). Sunday, I noticed a dead pixel right in the middle of my screen. I was so mad I almost cried. I've wanted this computer for so long and it came defective after I spent a horrendous amount of money on it.

Solution: Kept my cool. Arranged a genius bar appointment at the Apple Store I work in, and got it looked at before work yesterday. They did me a favor and fixed it immediately, instead of making me wait 3-5 days which is what they are quoting all our customers as turn around time this week.

Anger: I turn it on this morning, and realize something doesn't look quite right. Guess what? They put the STANDARD resolution display on my computer. I very clearly paid and extra $150 for the HIGH-RESOLUTION display. So now it have to live with the wrong display for a week while they try to order a new screen. I'd rather just have waited for it with the right display on with 1 dead pixel. I'm considering just returning the whole unit and getting a new one. Its stupid that I have to have a brand-new computer repaired twice in its 2 week life-span.

So those are my main problems. There's a dozen smaller issues lying around but when you've got a couple rocks in your shoes, you don't notice the sand and pebbles as much.

I'm trying not to be angry or cynical, and I'm really not. It's just so tiring to be the bigger person when Life is being so freaking immature.

Hey folks!

I haven't really done anything with this blog for a while, primarily due to my lack of a convenient computer. Ironic really, since I work in an Apple store.  But on the bright side, I'll be getting a new computer next week! Exciting.

Life is good, if a little challenging, but when isn't it?

There are loads of things I'd like to write about, and maybe later I will.

For now, hello.

[insert title here]

Hello there, people. I'm assuming you're all people anyway. If you aren't, I apologize; no discrimination  was meant...

So, I haven't been posting frequently. More writing of half finished things... a definite yes. I've been too caught up in a bunch of stuff though to finish anything properly. You know, the usual: drama at work, friends being dumb, moving to a new apartment, petting my cat, getting scratched by my cat for burying my face in his fluffy tummy, going through the "honeymoon phase" with the new boyfriend... all that sort of thing.

Its not been too bad all in all. Boyfriend makes everything better most of the time, and Cat is there when he can't be. And when your cat is so damn fluffy like mine is, you cant really complain. He's sleeping practically on my keyboard as I type this and I have to keep stopping to kiss his little curled up paws.

I don't really feel like talking about work so I'm not going to. I still love working at Apple, despite a little bit of recent frustration. I'm taking care of the frustrating bits, and so all in all, life at the Apple store is still pretty dandy. I met Scott, my boyfriend, at Apple, so I know that at least some good things come out of this [besides money =]. We actually work there together, and he has been there only marginally less time than I have, so we're basically on the same page at work, which is kind of fun. =]

I do love my new apartment.  I'm currently living in Brighton - sort of a corner of Boston. If you put Boston on the envelope instead of Brighton, I'll still get the letter. My roommates are lovely, 2 girls a little younger than me, and we all get along splendidly. Atreyu likes it too because it has a big stone balcony that he likes to sit on and stare at birds.

Atreyu really likes Scott actually.  Bit unusual... he typically likes men, but not anybody I've dated. But whenever Scott comes over, Atreyu gets really excited - for a cat. Its pretty cute.

Scott is easily the best part of my life right now. He's a Massachusetts man, born and raised. He is handsome and very intelligent."Wicked smaht" as they'd say around here. =] His sense of humor is basically the same as mine, which means we spend a lot of time laughing. The best part about Scott though? He treats me so well. He's so understanding, respectful, and independent - he's the perfect man for me right now. I've never felt this loved or in love and its an amazingly happy feeling.

Anyway, thats it. Hope that was fun kids. Enjoy the rest of your day!

<3 -me

Keep your boots tight, keep your gun close.

Good news from the zone tumbleweeds: I'm back to blogging. Its been a crazy couple of months. My internet addiction has been neglected and suffering. Let me tell you, its absolutely not fun trying to blog on an ipod touch. o.O

So, life. Its weird, as usual where I'm involved. I have no idea where to begin even. I am now homeless. Yayay! Just kidding. Not super thrilled with that turn of events. But, I've had the chance to crash with some cool people, get to know some friends better, and understand myself and my stress coping mechanisms. Some of these realizations aren't charming, but its all part of life I guess.

In case you're interested, here's a brief summary of my life the past 2 months:

Found a new apartment! Yay! Happy! Smiles and free hugs!

...they bailed on me 24 hours before the move in date. Super sadness.

This led to mad scrambling to put everything in a storage unit and find a place to live "temporarily".

Temporary living situation ended up being nearly a month. 

At which point I moved to yet another temporary place.

The people putting me up though are basically awesome.

This leads to me being incredibly grateful for the handful of amazing people I know.

Now, mixed in all that is a bit of depression, anxiety, madness, and the usual symptoms of a panic attack. The good news is: I have have become badass at fending off all that stuff. I'm like a superhero when it comes to fighting panic attacks. I should make that into a comic book. With stick figures of course. Because I don't have the patience to really draw a comic book with figures that actually look like humans and real biological organisms.

Sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath, look at the world and accept this one simple fact: Nothing is actually in your control. Right now, there is not much I can do about the situation I'm in.  I've talked to hundreds of people. Looked at several dozen apartments, considered every single option, tried every angle imaginable. The only thing in my control right now is myself.

I can take this gigantic mess of a situation and be angry, depressed, anxious, etc.; or I can get my hair cut, buy a new sweatshirt, get the oil in my car changed, and stay on top of everything else that is actually in my control.

A lady came into the Apple store a few days ago. She was, admittedly, a little off her rocker. Pretty chill, but I had to wonder what combination of drugs she was on. Anyway, she was intense, and brutally genuine. When asked her by way of greeting how she was doing, she replied honestly and positively, and asked the same of me. I was having a great day and told her so. She smiled at me in a vague but knowing sort of way and said "Thats good. We largely create our own happiness. Good to see you looking at life in the right sort of way today."

I think I sort of stared at her for a bit. What she said made sense, and I think we all know that already, but it was interesting and refreshing to hear a total stranger just honestly say that to me. Sometimes hearing things we already know and believe stated in a simple and unexpected way kind of makes you pay attention to what you're doing.

In other news, my cat is still fluffy and adorable. He also is eating because he is stressed. He used to constantly look like he had swallowed a grapefruit, but now he looks more like he's swallowed a small cantelope. I drew a picture of him, but I only had the time and patience to draw his head.

I think I might draw the rest later. =]

Anyway, time for work!

I don't get you.

Why do you always do this?

I don't have any tears left to cry.

Loving you is like taking a shot of Novacaine to the heart.

(numbing and really stupid)


You are not my friend. I cannot pretend anymore.

You didn't want me to talk. I gave back your words. The letters, the notes. I ripped them in half, but you'd already broken all those words and promises.

I'm done.

[heart]

mmmm. =] He likes me.

<3

I heart you little one!

I love my baby niece. Everything about her is cute, even her name: Emma Marie Joy. Darling, I know.

So here's a picture of her, because she's so cute, and I love her so much, and I want the world to see how  much I love her.

She's at Colonial Williamsburg with Grandma - who couldn't resist the temptation to buy Emma a reproduction "mob-cap".

I love you baby Emma. <3